3 Steps To Satisfaction Up / Mass Shootings Down

Do what you can, with what you’ve got, where you are.
Squire Bill Widener
Made famous by President Teddy Roosevelt

What I Can Do

What I, Paula M. Kramer, can do is give people information that makes the world more positive.

What I’ve Got

What I’ve got is a 3 step strategy for transforming behavior. It should always work with 2 out of 3 groups of people. The 3 steps are satisfying physical, mental, and emotional needs.

This Satisfying DISC Needs PDF file will help you transform behavior through simple actions that satisfy individual needs. It includes the resources on this website. I created the PDF file for using with children, but you can adapt it to use with anyone in your life.

When people feel positive about themselves, they are able to create positivity for others.

Teaching Kindness, Benefiting From Kindness

Through the CBS News segment On the Road, generations of children are growing up learning kindness. I know from personal experience that it is difficult to express kindness when we don’t feel kindness. Children who feel the kindness that satisfies their needs can grow up to be adults who express kindness by satisfying needs.

When I was in college in the late 1980s, a sociology professor talked about a free program in another state for parents of toddlers. The program taught the parents how satisfy their toddlers’ needs. When those children began graduating from high school, the prison population dropped. A later governor ended the program, so the prison population eventually rose again.

Kindness not only helps its recipients, it also helps the givers.

Where I Am

Physically, I am currently in Wisconsin.

Mentally, I look for ways to improve as many small worlds as I can anywhere in the world I can reach.

Emotionally, I give positive identities as often as possible.

Real World Example For A Positive Identity

I gave a positive identity to a little blonde girl in a Chicago laundromat and immediately changed her world, much to her delight. I told that story on a SexyCoolLounge podcast. Scroll down to the bottom of the website to find the episode list, then scroll through the episode list.

Episode 87
36:17

Aaron’s Stark’s Real World Example Of Transformation

A friend of tennage Aaron Stark transformed Aaron’s intentions by his satisfying needs:

Physical needs: shower and food

Mental need: conversation during a meal

Emotional need: positive identity

Aaron said this about what his friend did:

“It literally saved my life and changed my whole world. It was the most powerful thing
that ever happened to me.”

With his physical, mental, and emotional needs satisfied, Aaron scrapped his plan to become a mass shooter in a food mall or school. The pain of his horrific childhood was still inside him, but those satisfactions erased his compulsion to share it with innocent people.

“Man who said he was ‘almost a school shooter’ reveals what stopped him”
CNN Newsroom
July 7, 2009

Aaron Stark Is Doing What He Can, With What He’s Got, Where He Is

Aaron Stark is now a keynote speaker, TED Presenter & Global Positivity Advocate. He spoke at the 2023 FBI Behavioral Analysis Unit Mental Health Practitioner’s Conference.

He spoke at a conference for the Anti-Terrorism Advisory Council (ATAC) for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania.

Kindness Instead Of Fortification

David Riedman is the only person recording every shooting at a school in the United States. After hearing Aaron’s story, he said this during a Freakonomics Radio interview for “How to Succeed at Failing, Part 1: The Chain of Events”:

“RIEDMAN: And I think that that’s what we’re missing. In fortification of the schools,
in adding school police officers, in creating all of these levels of fortresses around
schools and public spaces, the person that ultimately wants to commit a mass shooting
is somebody who’s very, very deeply hurt. And rather than trying to keep that person
further out, and demonize that person even further, if we can just show them a tiny bit
of kindness, you know, a lot of these shootings would never happen. Probably none of
these shootings would happen.”

You can listen to the radio episode or read the transcript. David Riedman appears in the last 10 minutes. Read the list of school shootings on his K-12 School Shooting Database.

Aaron was keynote speaker at the National Association for Behavioral Intervention and Threat Assessment (NABITA) annual conference in 2023.

Needing To Be Seen

In the CNN interview, Aaron points out a misconception about mass shooters.

“People say these days that people just do this to be for fame, that these school shooters
are looking to be famous. I haven’t seen anybody in that dark spot that wants to be famous.
They want to be seen.”

I agree with Aaron. My childhood was horrific. I wanted to be seen, I wanted to be heard, I wanted to feel valued.

Mistakes Professionals Make

It wouldn’t surprise me if some of the professionals who interview jailed mass shooters suggest to the shooters that they wanted fame. Professionals who see only a shallow desire for fame can easily ignore the deeper needs to be seen, heard, and feel valued. Dismissing a desire for fame takes no effort. Taking actions to give attention and value requires thoughtful effort.

I spent 5 years in therapy to cope with my horrific childhood. My first therapist did everything she could to convince me that I fit into her favorite theories about suicidal depression. She refused to listen to the most important things I said about myself. Much easier to dismiss what I said than to take action for understanding and satisfying my needs. Her theories excluded my needs.

You can read journal entries about my therapy years on the Murder Secret Families page of my Speaking From Triumph Over Tragedy website. I’m turning 5 years of my journal into a book to help other people overcome horrific childhoods when therapists get it wrong. The title is, The Baby In My Dream Was Me: Following The Clues Of My Life & Finding My Mother’s Attempts To Kill Me.

Seeing, Hearing, & Valuing Aaron Stark Saved Lives

Aaron’s friend saw Aaron, heard Aaron, valued Aaron, and saved lives. A shower, a meal, a conversation, a positive identity. Simple strategies. My Satisfying DISC Needs PDF file provides simple strategies for seeing, hearing, and valuing.

Doing what you can, with what you got, where you are would help people feel seen, heard, and valued. Unimagined success for you could follow.

Have a smiling day and give a smiling day.

The smiles you give could save lives.